My child cries when I leave him with the nanny, should I give up work?
By Pat Spungin, Senior Lecturer in Child Psychology and Director of www.raisingkids.co.uk

He cries because he would rather be with you than with anyone else. This doesn't mean that he can't be happy with anyone else. With a warm and sensitive carer most children will settle quickly.

The longer your baby has known the childcarer, the more likely he is to settle happily. If it's early in their relationship, spend some time helping them to get acquainted. Your son will feel more secure, if you stay in the room, while they get to know each other. An added advantage is that you'll be able to see how she behaves towards your little boy and reassure yourself that you are making the right choice.

Be certain of your choice
You're bound to be upset when your son cries. He doesn't like to see you leave, but once you've gone, with a sensitive and loving carer he will settle quickly. If you think that he cries for just for a few minutes as you are leaving, you can relax. But if you're worried that he is genuinely distressed, ask the childcarer how long the crying goes on after you leave.

If you suspect that his crying is prolonged (and maybe you worry that no one is comforting him), ask yourself if you really have confidence in the carer. If he is in a nursery, ask another mother who arrives later if he seems happy. If you have any doubts at all, don't ignore them.

Keep turnover to a minimum
When there is a high turnover among carers, children may become unsettled and try to hold on to the one person who is always there - their mother.

Don't keep chopping and changing. This is very distressing for your child, who needs consistency and security. If you're confident in your choice, relax and let them get on with it. Your little boy will grow attached to a warm and sympathetic carer.

Helpful hints

• Don't rush through the morning routine. It will make both of you feel tense.
• Organise as much as you can the night before. Leave enough time in the morning to do everything as calmly as possible.
• When the childcarer arrives, take time to settle him in. Don't hand him over and then rush off.
• Take time to say goodbye but don't prolong the goodbyes, especially if he starts to cry.
• Little 'goodbye' rituals get him adjusted to the idea that you are leaving. When you return, 'hello' rituals confirm that you will always come back.
  
  Babies are different too
  Some babies take time to adapt to new situations. If your baby doesn't settle, then you may have to rethink your childcare arrangements. You may feel better if you revise your own plans, until your baby is more mature.

For more advice on seperation anxiety, attachment and bonding visit www.raisingkids.co.uk

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